there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize