did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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