you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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