I puked a lego.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
