The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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