Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
