dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
