he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
