I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
