i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
