hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm at about main and main street
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
