Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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