Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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