Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize