That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
