Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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