Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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