...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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