Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
