Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
