Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
