went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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