we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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