there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
