absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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