I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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