yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
