...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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