Say something about gay babies.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
