she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
