We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
