im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
