The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
