I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
