Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i would punch a child for taco bell
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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