ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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