i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
