he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
