He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
