Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize