my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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