Whod you bang
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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