It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
