It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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