so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize