I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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