At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
