Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
