I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have already put on my inside pants.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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