He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
