i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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