It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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