You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
