that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
