susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
