took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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