She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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