Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
