wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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