Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
