as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
